All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
