apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i out mim tonsoeep
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
