and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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