so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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