It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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