just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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