Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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