On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize