I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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