how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
