your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize