my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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