The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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