the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
