I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
