The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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