something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
