NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
