Christians are straight up FREAKS
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
