I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
