cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
