After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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