I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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