Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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