Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
