he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
