Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think I won the penis lottery.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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