you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
