two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
