I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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