Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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