It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
