update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
