Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
