Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
3 2 1 whiskey
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize