Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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