is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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