your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got chris browned last night
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
