Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
