he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
