im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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