Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
