It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
