I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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