I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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