ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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