Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
