just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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