we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Michael Bay diarrhea
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize