AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
