Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
nutella sex= disaster
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
