I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
