Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Welp...herpes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
