so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
