I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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