i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
