cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
