OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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