fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
