No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
