I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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