there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
