you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
