honey bunches of taint.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
