it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
