i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
