You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
