dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
