He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
