Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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