Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
