ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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