Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
