I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
