Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
