Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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