unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
