Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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