The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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