He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
