Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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