why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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